#Double dragon cartoon wiki movie

NC (voiceover): In the city we meet the Lee brothers, Jimmy and Bill (Billy). NC: How is that any different from the Old Angeles? NC (voiceover): So it turns out that New Angeles is a crime-ridden hellhole where earthquakes occur every couple of seconds, criminals rule the streets and the police never come out after dark. When global warming flooded the entire earth, nuclear missiles destroyed all the major cities, and then within one year's time, we cleaned it all up! Funny couple of months, I wrote a lot in my calendar those days I can tell ya! It turns out he is the evil ruler of New Angeles, which takes place in the futuristic world of TWO THOUSAND SEVEN! NC (voiceover): She takes the medallion back to Robert Patrick, who plays the Vanilla Ice 1000. NC: Hottest ninja I've ever seen in my life! The ninja takes off her mask, revealing it's a woman NC (voiceover): It turns out the monk was going for the Double Dragon medallion, but it's taken away from him by he evil, sadistic, sinister, slimy. NC (voiceover): So we see a bunch of ninjas beating the crap out of a bunch of Chinese monks as one of them hides in a cave where they worship the Yogurt statue from Spaceballs. NC: Where's this all happening? Uh, somewhere.in China!

#Double dragon cartoon wiki movie

NC (voiceover): I love how they identify the location just by saying 'Somewhere in China,' like no one wanted to do research about where this shitty-ass movie took place. The good king sacrificed himself to create a mystical medallion. Narrator: Thousands of years ago, a great race of shadow warriors terrorized the city of Changsa. NC (voiceover): So the film starts off with this bullshit. But oh well, maybe the idea for the movie was just so good that it could cross the boundaries of the zeitgeist and give us one hell of a timeless classic. NC (voiceover): I mean come on, by this time you could get Double Dragon in toy dispensers, it's not like this was at the height of its popularity. NC: With a game so popular, Hollywood producers QUICKLY put their minds together and came up with the idea to make a movie about it.seven years later. The game was so popular that they also made a Nintendo version, which was one of the highest grossing games for the NES. Nothing too complicated, just beating the shit out of any annoying punk who crossed your path. Double Dragon was an arcade game in the 80s that was a simple, side-scroller beat 'em up adventure. It's quite a different thing to actually experience it. IT'S THE MOST SHIT SMACKING, WHORE EATING DISGUSTING PIECE OF RETRO ASS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! No.that still doesn't seem to sum up how bad it is! But hell, anyone can talk about it.

NC (voiceover): A movie so bad, that I can't even come up with a clever analogy to properly describe how bad it is. Don't believe me? Then take a look at the festering elephant puke that Hollywood seems to have entitled Double Dragon. NC: For whatever reason, they're certainly not getting any better. Even films like The Wizard that just talks about video games always seem to suck. NC (voiceover): Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros. Montage of posters for other bad video game movies Folks, why is it movies based on video games always seem to suck monkey tits? I mean, think about it.